Introduction

Advocating for an Open Workplace means advocating for organizational norms, policies, and practices that create a supportive environment for non-monogamous employees (and for everyone!). You can perform this advocacy work whether or not you personally engage in consensual non-monogamy, and we encourage allies and community members to work together. Workplace policies have long been a powerful tool for social change. Especially in the absence of state or federal laws protecting marginalized groups, employers have a unique opportunity to promote safety and care for these groups and create a culture where it is safe to come out at work. For example, the percentage of Fortune 500 companies with policies protecting LGBTQ+ discrimination grew from 4% in 1996 to 91% in 2019 and gender identity discrimination grew from 3% in 2002 to 83% in 2019. This happened well in advance of changes to state and federal law, and generated momentum for the LGBTQ+ movement.

As we stated in the previous section, there can be catch-22 for employees seeking to advocate for an open workplace: if there aren’t already protections in place to ensure against discrimination on the basis of relationship structure, you can put yourself at risk by being the first person or set of persons to advocate for this. This section will lay out steps you can take to analyze your organization’s landscape and determine the best path forward for safe and beneficial advocacy.

Understanding the Data

Understanding and being able to explain the data is helpful when it comes to advocating for consensually non-monogamous identities. Findings from nationally-representative surveys conducted by YouGov, Pew, and researchers at the Kinsey Institute show that:

4-5% of Americans are currently engaged in a consensually non-monogamous relationship
21% of people have engaged in consensual non-monogamy at some point in their lives
One third of all Americans describe their ideal relationship as occurring outside of strict monogamy

Despite this prevalence, people engaging in consensual non-monogamy currently experience significant social and legal barriers to living openly, and this impacts their anxiety, fear, and concern around being ‘outed’ in the workplace.

In a our recent comprehensive community survey that polled non-monogamous individuals across 48 countries and 51 US states and territories, a distinct pattern of concealment emerged. With the sole exception of communication with close friends, the majority of respondents revealed they were either not at all open or only somewhat open about their non-monogamous identity or relationships in all other areas of their lives, including with parents, employers, faith communities, extended friendships, and acquaintances. Typically, this concealment was motivated by the desire to avoid the negative repercussions of stigma and discrimination.

Some respondents shared specific reasons for their reluctance to disclose their non-monogamous status, such as:

"My community is very conservative and if I came out, it would affect my job and could result in me being fired.”
“In the military you cannot be ENM when you're married. It can result in looking like "infidelity" and you can potentially get discharged."
"My mother and father would kick me out if they found out I was practicing non-monogamy. My mom already shuns me and my father doesn't know. I don't want to know what he'd do if he found out"
“I’d like to be open throughout my life but I can’t/don’t because of concerns over child custody.”

These comments reveal a complex landscape where non-monogamous individuals must navigate societal and institutional barriers, balancing their desire for openness with the real or perceived risks of discrimination and exclusion. The sentiments and fears expressed in the survey responses are far from abstract concerns; they are rooted in real experiences of stigma and prejudice. The data underscore the vulnerability of non-monogamous individuals in various areas of their lives, leading to a critical examination of the existing societal frameworks.

Indeed, 55% of respondents reported experiencing stigma or prejudice on the basis of their non-monogamous identity. A separate study adds further depth to these findings, as it revealed that two-thirds of people engaged in consensual non-monogamy (CNM) reported recent discrimination, and 70% of those who have not experienced discrimination are not out about being CNM (Mahar et al., 2022). The figures are more alarming among LGBTQ individuals, who were more likely to report experiences of stigma and discrimination than cisgendered or heterosexual individuals, illustrating the layered complexity and intersectionality of marginalized identities. Additionally, individuals practicing non-monogamy for more than six years were more likely to report experiences of discrimination in the workplace than those who had been practicing for one to six years. For example, one participant told us they had "lost students in my school when I came out. [I] got hate calls on work answering machine. Was threatened of being accused of being a pedophile cause I work with children."

These data serve as a stark reminder of both the prevalence of consensual non-monogamy and the consequences of failing to protect and empower individuals living in diverse family and relationship structures. As an advocate, you can make clear to your employer that the imperative to support this population is clear, and includes a unique opportunity to contribute to a more inclusive and empathetic work environment.