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<aside> 📆 The type of event you’re trying to run will determine the best time to schedule it. In our experience, outdoor, daytime events like a picnic or hike are best scheduled for a late morning or early afternoon on a weekend day. We also recommend weekends for events that target parents and families. For indoor, evening events we recommend choosing a weekday evening, when there will be less competition with other events. Here’s when the authors of this guide schedule their events:
Once you’ve selected a good day and time for your event, we recommend sticking to that time every month (or however frequently you plan to run your event). This consistency makes it easier for people to mark their calendars in advance. If you’re not able to set a recurring time, it’s a good idea to announce your event as far in advance as possible so that people can plan ahead.
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<aside> 🏠 At a home
For smaller and more intimate events, a private home (or back yard) can be a lovely place to host. Here are some questions to raise with your host before the event:
Because hosting an event at a home can involve a little more work (i.e. setup and cleanup), you may want to rotate hosting duties. While this does require a bit more coordination to identify a new host each month, it can be a great way to engage attendees by inviting them to host!
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<aside> 🧉 At a bar, restaurant, cafe, or other venue
Hosting your event at a bar, restaurant, coffee shop, or other business can be much easier, since the venue will typically take care of providing food, cleaning up, and so on. If your event is on the smaller side, it may be possible to just show up and take over a table or an area of the bar. The benefit is that this is free and easy to organize; the downside is that attendees may not know who is there for the mixer and who’s not. It is also not as private a space, so some discussions about relationships and sex may be limited. As your event grows, you may want to book a private area or even a whole venue. The downside is that there is often a cost associated with renting a private space. However, this is not always the case! For example, the monthly “Poly Happy Hour” in Oakland, California takes over a whole bar on the first Monday of every month. Mondays are normally a slow night for the bar, but because Poly Happy Hour brings in so many attendees, the bar is able to host their private event for no cost – a real win-win! These types of arrangements are easier if you can identify a non-monogamous-owned venue, and invest in building a relationship with the owners.
<aside> 📍 Events that Change Location
Hikes, bike-trips, museum-crawls and other roaming event types offer a great way to connect and build community, but they’re almost never in the same place twice. Make sure you give people all the information they need to arrive at the right place, at the right time, prepared for the terrain.
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<aside> 💡 Some Other Amazing Place
Finally, there may be other gathering spaces besides a restaurant, bar, or cafe. Examples include co-working spaces with meeting rooms; office space or other facilities of non-profit or community organizations, and public function spaces (in your local school, town hall, etc.). Ask around to see what’s out there!
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<aside> 📢 Be clear about the nature of the event. Is it purely a social event, or will there be a discussion or other activity? How long will it run? Is there a cost? Can attendees bring their kids? What about their pets?
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<aside> 👭 Ask people to invite and bring their friends! This is a good way to turn one attendee into two or three.
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<aside> 👑 Connect with non-monogamous community leaders or event organizers in your community. Is there a play party series or swinger club in the nearest big city, even if it’s an hour away? Community/event organizers often have an email list that they can reach out to, or can put you in touch with other people in your local area. While you might need to do a bit of research and networking to find the right people, it can be a huge force multiplier.
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<aside> 💌 A personal touch will go a long way. Directly text or message people that said they plan to come, even if they’re a “maybe.” Ask people who else they think you should reach out to. A personal touch can make a big difference!
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<aside> ⏱️ Remember: just “posting and hoping” is not enough. Plan to put in 4-6 hours of direct outreach in the week leading up to your event – if not more!
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Once you’ve locked in the details for your event, it’s time to start recruiting attendees. This is the really critical part! After all, you can’t have a social event without any people.
<aside> 🫂 Promoting Inside Your Immediate Circle
It’s helpful to start with your existing social circles when creating a new event.
Having a core group of people initially sets the vibe of your event and ensures that you will have fun even if turnout for your event is low. If you can get two or three friends to commit to attending, you’ll need never know the disappointment of sitting alone waiting for people to show up.
Get up in those DMs! - When getting your event off the ground, it can be very helpful to message people about your event directly to let them know you’re starting a thing and they should be there!
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<aside> 🤝 Promoting Outside Your Immediate Circle: