Your first few events may be the most important. The effort you put into recruiting attendees – and their experience at your event – may determine if your event series develops a life of its own, or fizzles out. With that in mind, here are a few tips to help you get over that crucial hump.
<aside> 👬 Bring some friends
Bring 3 or more friends to your first event – even if they’re not non-monogamous! This helps ensure that there are enough people there for attendees – and you! – to talk to, even if attendance is sparse.
</aside>
<aside> 🧑💻 Build out your dream invite list
If you have friends or acquaintances that you know you want at your event, reach out directly to let them know that their attendance is desired. Give them plenty of notice and don’t take it personally if somebody is unable to attend.
</aside>
<aside> 📢 Reach out to attendees before the event
If you have the ability to contact attendees before the event, reach out to them a couple days beforehand. Thank them for attending this new event, and ask if they can bring anyone along. A little personal touch goes a long way!
</aside>
<aside> ✉️ Reach out to attendees after the event
Thank people for coming, and collect feedback about what they liked and what they’d like to see done differently. Invite them to your next event, and ask them to bring friends.
</aside>
<aside> ⚙ Stick with it!
It may take a few months for your event to really get off the ground. Don’t expect it to be a smash hit out of the gate – keep putting in the effort! Let’s say your first Happy Hour mixer only has three attendees. It’s tempting to think of that as a “failure.” But if those three people each bring a friend the next month, and they each bring a friend the next month… by month five, you have 48 attendees!
</aside>
While we can’t provide a detailed guide that accounts for every type of event (running a happy hour at a bar is obviously different from running a discussion group at your home), we can still offer some general suggestions that are relevant across every type of event.
<aside> 🔲 We ❤️ name tags!
Name tags make it easier to connect. We strongly recommend providing name tags at your event, and putting them by the door so that people notice when they arrive. We also encourage posting a sign reminding people to put their pronouns on their name tag. Finally, don’t forget to provide a little receptacle to collect the paper backings of the name tag stickers – it’ll save you time during cleanup!
</aside>
<aside> 🤝 The first person people meet will set the tone for their experience
If people are greeted at the door by someone friendly and inviting, they are more likely to feel comfortable and socially safe. Conversely, if the first person guests encounter is prickly or uninviting, they are more likely to keep their guard up. For this reason, we suggest having a “greeter” who welcomes people and helps them get oriented.
</aside>
<aside> 👋 Go out of your way to be welcoming to new people
For some people, it requires a lot of bravery to go to something new! Make people feel welcome, and let them know you’re around if they need support or have any questions.
</aside>
<aside> 👀 Be present and visible as a host
Make sure to circulate in order to keep an eye on the space and people’s experiences. Plus, folks will feel more engaged with your event if they know who’s behind it.
</aside>
<aside> 🦸 Be on the look out for people who appear to feel out of place.
Keep an eye out for people at your event who may feel uncomfortable or out of place. Social mixers can be challenging environments for people. If you see somebody who may be having a difficult time, say hello and introduce yourself. It may be helpful to offer to make an introduction or to ask if there’s anything you can do to support.
</aside>
<aside> ⭕ For smaller events, consider an opening circle and introductions
Ask everyone to share their name (and pronouns!), and maybe make a few (short!) remarks about the event and its intentions. This is a great way to break the ice and “set the container,” i.e. set the tone for your event.
</aside>
<aside> 📣 Announcements are awesome, too!
Even for larger events, it can be a good idea to get everyone’s attention for a minute or two. Thank people for coming, introduce yourself as the host, share any important info about the venue or event, provide a few discussion prompts, let people know about other upcoming events, etc.
</aside>
<aside> 💬 Provide a prompt
Connection is a flow state and connecting with strangers doesn’t come easily to everyone. Prompts can be a helpful way to give people something to chat about. We love these conversation prompts created by the organizer of the Bay Area Poly Happy Hour, who puts them out around the bar where the event is held. You can also put out simple connection games like “Truth or Dare Jenga” or “Mingle Bingo.” Inviting a new person to provide a “prompt” activity each month is also a great way to engage participants. Making your prompt connect to non-monogamy is also a great way to inspire connection around something that everyone at your event (presumably) has in common. We’ve included some of our favorite activities in the resources section of this guide.
</aside>
<aside> ❤️🩹 Give people a break
Large social spaces – especially with lots of new faces – can be overwhelming for many people! If possible, create a space where people can step away to take a break. If you’re hosting in a home, that could look like a spare bedroom where people can take a minute. At Bay Area Poly Happy Hour, the organizers put out coloring books and pencils in a quieter corner of the venue.
</aside>
In addition to these general tips, we have compiled a few tips specific to different types of events below!